Friday, July 3, 2009

The Brewer Killer Lineup

Otherwise know as, "I hate that guy." Imagine, a team full of Ryan Freels and Carlos Zambranos. Where every batter up is some bit player that can't hit a lick against 29 teams in Major League Baseball but when he see that "Brewers" across a pitcher's chest his eyes get wide.

You know the players I'm talking about, "That guy kills us," you've probably said it a thousand times and been right far too often. What if there was a team of those players? Besides making you want to vomit, who would be on that team?

Catcher - Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins - For a team that Mauer sees only twice a year he sure does well against them. In 29 games against the Brew Crew the Twins' Catcher has five home runs; by comparison, he has five homers in 58 games against the Indians. Pretend you weren't dropping F-Bombs every time he came up to bat with runners on.

1st Base - Lance Berkman, Houston Astros - This was a tough, between Albert Pujols and Berkman. Both players are a gigantic pain in the ass, it just so happens that one of them is more of a pain in the Brewer's home ballpark. Berkman has more homers at Miller Park than Pujols, and nothing sucks more at home than watching the enemy hit one out.

2nd Base - Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds - Does anybody else remember a couple of years back when it seemed like every time up, Brandon Phillips homered against the Brewers? I do, and I still hate him for it. He has eight home runs against Milwaukee, six of which came at Miller Park.

3rd Base - Aramis Ramirez, Chicago Cubs - Consistently irritating. Year in, year out, Ramirez gets the big hits against the Brew Crew, as is evidenced by his 27 home runs against (he has more against just one other team). What is equally frustrating is that he seems to play his best defense against Milwaukee. Ramirez is not a gold glover by any means, but he plays like one when facing the Brewers.

Shortstop - Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado Rockies - I don't know about you, but I hate Troy Tulowitzki. I wasn't sure if the numbers would back up my deep-seeded hatred but he has raked against Milwaukee. He has hit four homers in just nine games, he hasn't hit more against any other team, all while batting a staggering .441. Really?

Left Field - Adam Dunn, Washington Nationals - Dunn has made a career out of hitting home runs, and the Brewers took a beating against him. He's only taken one team out of the ballpark (The Cubs, 38 times) than his 31 long balls against the Brewers. In 115 games against the Crew he's a .273 batter as well. I had a hard time putting him on this list since he doesn't instill the same dislike in me that, say, Alfonso Soriano does, but those numbers were too big to look past.

Center Field - Shane Victorino, Philadelphia Phillies - Game Two of the 2008 National League Divisional Series, Bases loaded, Shane Victorino hits a Grand Slam off of C.C. Sabathia. All of the Phillies runs for the game come in that inning and the Brewers lose 5-2. F-You Shane Victorino.

Right Field - Jay Bruce, Cincinnati Reds - Bruce is only halfway into his second major league season and already has eight home runs against the Crew. That's three more than he has against any other team. Adam Dunn leaves the Central and Jay Bruce joins. Brewer fans don't look forward to seeing him hit for the next several years.

Starting Pitcher - Ryan Dempster, Chicago Cubs - His body of work against Milwaukee is impressive, in 129.1 innings he has 132 strikeouts. Dempster has 10 wins against just three losses and even has 10 saves. The worst part? That irritating glove twitch / flip thing, I hate that that.

You may have noticed there is a large number of NL Central players on this list, funny how that works. Who do you hate to see? I know there are more than a few excessively annoying players that didn't make this list, who would you add?

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