Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Player Recap - Complete With New Nicknames

So here is a quick recap, and in honor of Shef's House starting "The Deputy" name (ahem Steve "The Homer" True, credit please), new nicknames for all mentioned:

-Ryan "The Deputy" Braun, is the media's best friend and an enemy to all other NL Central teams and fans. He isn't afraid to speak his mind, and usually backs his talk up. He has certainly endeared himself to the Milwaukee faithful though. He aims to be the best player of all fact this year he is gunning for the following hardware: MVP, Gold Glove, Silver Slugger, Executive of the Year, and if the pitching doesn't improve, will probably try his place on the mound and shoot for the Cy Young as well. Seriously though, keep doing what your doing Brauny.

Enforcing the NL Central
Thanks to Stacey for the pic

-Rickie "The Wrist" Weeks, was finally living up to his 'potential', when he decided to punish Brewer fans who often gave him a hard time, and got himself hurt for the year. Who would have guessed the team would spiral downwards without Rickie in the lineup?

-JJ "The Streakmaster" Hardy, decided to take off the first half, I'm guessing in preparation to look good for his new team the second half. Don't worry JJ, the ladies thought you looked good in the 1st half still.

-Corey "Maybe You Should Try Wearing Your Sunglasses With a Prescription at Night" Hart, still hasn't met an outside slider he hasn't liked.

-Bill "Thinks He is the Best Third Baseman in the League....Really, He Said That" Hall, is apparently looking to spend some time next summer with his family and his $8 million. Mother's Day can actually be spent with his mother, how sweet.

-Craig "The Real CC" Counsell, adjusted his alienesque batting stance to a more traditional one and has found himself having a relatively good year. I love his simple reasoning for the change, ".226".

-Casey "Jim Hendry Mistake #45,201" McGehee, after making the team with a monster spring, McGehee found himself consistent playing time after Weeks' injury and hasn't disappointed. If the National League's rookie class was a little bit weaker, Casey would be a front runner for Rookie of the Year with a .329 average with 6 HRs. It's not like the Cubs were going to need a third baseman anyways......wait.

-Prince "If You Eat Your Veggies, You Too Can Hit For Average" Fielder, is batting .313 with 22 HRs and 78 RBIs....MVP is all but his right? Oh wait, Pujols is batting .332 with 32 HRs and 87 RBIs...sick. But at least Prince showed up Pujols at the HR Derby, then proceeded to show negative actions to the kids by untucking his jersey, THE HORROR!

-Yovanni "The Duel Master" Gallardo, similar to what Ben Sheets had to endure, YoGo can't seem to get any sort of run support. It is as if the batters feel confident enough in Yo's stuff to take the day off. Normally leads to an unnecessary pitching battle.

-Todd "The Percolator" Coffey, or, "Moobs", won the hearts of Milwaukeeans by sprinting from the bullpen to the mound (and pitching good I suppose), and like the great Joey Meyer before him, he gives all of us out of shape Wisconsinites hope that we too can be a professional athletes. Why the sprint? At first we thought maybe Marcus Hanel just dropped some major gas in the bullpen and Coffey wanted to get out of there, but nope, it's just how he enters the game. Why does Milwaukee like that, because we haven't seen a man that large run that fast since the deep fryer first hit the market at Sears. I actually think Manny Ramirez is jealous of Todd's all-natural boobs. How cool would it be if he came out to Percolator by Cajmere. "It's time for the Percolator, It's time for the percolator"

-Dave "Samson" Bush, lost his beard and subsequently landed on the DL, eerily similar to how Samson lost his power after his locks of hair were cut. Who is your Delilah Bushy, don't trust her!

Mark "The Cutter" DiFelice, gets credit for this nickname from Tom Haudricourt after his article on Mark and his cutting skills both on and off the field. He has had a great first half, let's hope it carries over.

Mat "Gone Gamel Gone" Gamel, is supposedly a big piece to the Brewers future, but Macha keeps rolling Bill Hall out there. Supposedly, for Bill's defense, which has suffered of late. Sure McGehee is getting a lot of playing time at 3rd as well, but I think he would best be served at 2B every day, allowing Counsell to be the utility backup infielder he was supposed to be. Gamel can hit lefties, so, no platoon is really necessary. Gamel will make some errors in the field, but is Hall's automatic out in the order any better? Please Macha, play Gamel everyday. Sure he is only batting .248 as of now, but he seems to come through at important times.

Jody "Hey You're Not Tony Gwynn" Gerut.......sigh, I mean.......ugh, but! need a drink!

Frank "FCat" Catalanotto, is on the team to give Craig Counsell a run for his money on the 'Youngest Looking Old Dude' Award. No real complaints about FCat. He's a serviceable backup.

Manny "Whipped Puppy" Parra, did not like that nickname from Ken Macha after being sent to Nashville, and responded with a stellar return to the Majors. So, if that is what it takes for Manny to pitch good, then that will be his name.

Mike "Band Aid" Burns, What would we have done without Burns? He is exactly what I called him, a band-aid, and he only really let us 'bleed' in one of his starts. He certainly is not the long term solution though, and with "Samson" coming back on the 20th, I think he'll be back in AAA until September (or if we need more patchwork).

Mitch "Stay Right There" Stetter, Leading the Brewers with 14 holds on the year. The left handed specialist has gotten the Crew out of a some tight jams.

Seth "Could You Imagine the Damage Big Red Could Do in a Barfight" McClung, McClung has too many nicknames as is, but he was going for his coveted title of 'starting pitcher' after Parra faultered. So, too did McClung faulter when given the opportunity to get some starts. The worst part is, there were no Seth McClung's to come in and eat up some innings! Big Red is still a Milwaukee favorite though...mostly because no one would dare want to tick that large Irish man off.

Mike "There's Only One" Cameron, I got this name after going to a game in the Metrodome and sat next to some Brewers fans who cheered "THERE'S ONLY OOOOOONE MIKE CAMERON!!!" It was catchy. Needless to say, after a red hot start, Cameron has come back down to his normal average. His defense is always appreciated though and that $10 million option pickup was probably a wise choice by Melvin. Could you imagine, Melky Cabrera the Brewer...ew

Braden "Jeff Suppan" Looper aka Jeff "Braden Looper"Suppan, I think these are actually two pitchers....they are both ex-Cardinals. They both are veterans. They both are as mediocre as you can get. What's nice is you know what you get with these two usually. They'll (Suppan) have a blow up game from time to time, but generally will give up 3 or 4 runs and keep the supposedly potent offense in the game.

Carlos "Last Week Doesn't Count Right?" Villanueva, Villa has a wicked changeup, that should be getting better under the tutelage of Trevor Hoffman. When he is on, he is on! But when he is off....expect the number in the L column to increase by one (along with his ERA).

Chris "Do People Know Who I Am Yet?" Smith, has been okay out of the bullpen. And every time he comes running out, the collective sound in the stadium goes like this.....WHO? Smith started the season as the closer in AAA and after a solid performance there along with the failed Jorge Julio experiment, has found himself pitching in the Bigs.

This is Chris Smith

Mike "Yes, I Am a Member of the Milwaukee Brewers" Rivera, Mike Rivera has something we Brewer fans aren't used to seeing out of a catcher, a respectable offensive game. Jason Kendall, Damian Miller, Chad Moeller, *cough*Jonny Estrada*cough*. This creeps us all out and we demand he stay on the bench, who does he think he is BJ Surhoff? Kendall is a defensive genius and can call a mad game. /begin sarcasm...Rivera can't call a game as evidenced by Dave Bush not getting that no-hitter! /end sarcasm. No one is cheering on Bush's return as hard as Rivera.

Jason "I Swear to God Ken, If You Bench Me Today..." Kendall, likes to play baseball! He gets so upset when he doesn't play baseball he has his niece whack him in the eye with a bat, so he can remember that feeling of getting pelted behind the plate. If I was Macha, I wouldn't mess with a guy like that, low average be damned. To be fair though, he is a vital part of the pitching staff. Milwaukee is Kendall's kind of town too, a hard working blue collar city. He has made it know he wants to stay for the remainder of his career in Milwaukee, which to him probably means 15 more years. That is unlikely to happen with Salome and Lucroy coming up, so Doug Melvin should start picking out his dentures now.

Trevor "I Run To San Diego & Back Every Morning" Hoffman, isn't sure why people thought he'd miss home if he played in Milwaukee, he runs that many miles everyday anyways. He has been absolutely phenomenal for the Brewers. His presence helped the bullpen settle down. He is a true professional with a legendary work ethic, and he doesn't complain unless the volume in Miller Park is too low for his signature AC/DC - Hells Bells walk on music. Milwaukee will soon have the highest rate of deafness in the country...but we don't care, keep ringing them bells baby!


oldrocker77 said...

I love it!! However I noticed that you are kind of hard on Bill Hall. How about giving credit where credit is due! He swings a pink bat as well as anyone and no one in the majors can spit between his teeth like Hall.

AverageDude said...