Jack Zduriencik is a crazy man

First it was Brad Nelson, and now our good buddy Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik has picked up Bill Hall. The horrible Bill Hall was designated for assignment last week, and is not expected to be play for Seattle until tomorrow. So who did we get for Bill Hall? At first, I thought it may be a few autographed Russell Branyan bats, but we actually got a living breathing person. What a steal! Ruben Flores, a 25 year old righty has spent most of his time in high-A ball, going 2-2 with a 2.30 ERA.

But the bad news, Doug and Mark didn't spend any money in FA last year, or add salary to help the Brewers, but we'll picking up parts of Hall's salary. The Brewers will pay all of this season's remaining salary plus a large portion of next year's $8.4 million. So yeah, no more Bill Hall, just his salary. I'll take it.

Toppers Pizza Trades for Bill Hall

The Milwaukee Brewers Triple A affiliate has agreed to trade Bill Hall to Toppers softball for select menu items, as part of a weight training/gaining regimen. The deal includes only traditional pizzas, as Bill Hall does not bring enough to the table to warrant house pizzas. Requests for taco and pepperonistix were denied as well, replaced by original breadstix and no sauces in the box.

"We feel Bill Hall will be a decent contributor to our Tuesday night men's league in Milwaukee," Toppers franchisee and team manager John Kubisiak said. "There are many adjustments we do have in store for him however. He will still only face left-handed pitching. He will not be allowed to stick that monstrous chew in his mouth during games either. We feel it hurts his concentration. Also, he must not rest his bat on his shoulders or he will receive a team fine. Players will be looking for him to pull, so he also only allowed to go to right field. Anything to the left of center will also result in a team fine."

Bill Hall could not be reached for comment, which also resulted in a team fine.

Bill Hall update

If you are going to stare down a ball you hit, while batting .195, make sure you hit it out of the ballpark, you A$$bag.

Bill Hall Update

Bill Hall in for defense in extra innings. Bill Hall breaks a cardinal baseball rule and doesn't see if the ball is going to go foul down the line on a slow roller. Instead he tries to barehand it and drops the ball. Take out that massive chew and get your head in the game, A$$bag.

Bill Hall Update

Bill Hall strikes out one out of every 3 at bats, has an OBP of .261, and is below .200 again. Hes also has grounded into more double plays, 10, than anyone else on the team with far fewer at bats than most. That's ok though, because he has a remarkable glove. Oh wait, E5 on Hall. Oops, and he just kicked another one on the next play. a$$bag.

Bill Hall Update

2 for 2 off the bench, now ABOVE the Mendoza line. Trade the a$$bag while his value is high....er...

What to do about #2

It looks like Bill Hall might be at the end of a very long leash. After hitting .304 in May, he is 10 for his last 78, good for a .128 average. He has not had an extra-base hit since May 14 and walked only six times since April. His OPS in May? .424. Awful, just awful.

How bad is Bill Hall? He offered David Ortiz hitting advice and was shot down.

How bad is Bill Hall? He's considering modeling his swing after Charles Barkley's golf swing, I mean, can't be any worse can it?

How bad is Bill Hall? He struckout on three straight pitchouts.

How bad is Bill Hall? His next at-bat he's going to go batless, that way he can't strikeout swinging.

How bad is Bill Hall? He managed to hit into a double-play with nobody on base.

How bad is Bill Hall? Yesterday he went hitless in batting practice.

Okay, that's enough of that. The Brewers are in a tough spot with Hall, his defense is outstanding but his bat is anemic. He's under contract through next season with a club option for 2011.

What he can do:
He should be able to hit left-handed pitching. In 731 career at-bats he's hit southpaws to the tune of a .280 average, right now he can't hit anything. His defense is excellent and he can play all three outfield spots and three infield spots well.

What he can't do:
Play every day. He can't hit right-handed pitching. Yes, in his career he is a .245 hitter against righties, but he's gotten significantly worse every season. As you can see to the right, his batting average against right-handers has dropped over .100 points since 2005. That's just not going to cut for an every day player in the big show.

So what are the Brewers options? $7 Million is a lot to pay for a utility player who can only hit lefties and be a defensive replacement. But that's what he is and that's his contract. Here are the Crew's choices...

1. Trade - His value is very low right now, so any return on a trade would be very low. The Brewers would probably have to pick up a big chunk of Hall's salary for this year and next if they wanted to get anything decent for him as well. Whatever they did get back would likely be a low-level player who is a few years away.

2. Designate - Another option would be to designate Hall for assignment. Ideally they could push him through to Triple-A and let him figure his swing out somewhere he isn't hurting the big club. You wouldn't know it by looking at him but Hall's confidence has to be shot.

3. Release - Maybe it's time to cut ties entirely, eat the contract and say what's done is done. This is a very unlikely option since he has another year on his deal, if this was a contract year it would probably be considered but with an extra year it's doubtful this is the move they'd make.

4. Keep - Sorry Brewer nation, but this is the most likely scenario. Keeping Hall would mean he stays with the team but as a bench player and Mat Gamel stepping in as the every day third baseman, ideally.

Hall is the longest tenured member of the team and he has had some huge moments for the Crew. I'm not of the thought process that he will never again be a productive player in Major League Baseball, but I do think he will never be a productive player for the Brewers again.

Unless the Crew can swing a player like Mark DeRosa via trade it's very unlikely that Hall is going anywhere. It's hard to get booed when your on the home team at Miller Park, but Hall might want to keep a set of ear plugs with his home whites.

Brewers In Game Update: Never Play Bill Hall Again.

Enough is enough. Mat Gamel is obviously a better hitter than Bill Hall, and the sky is the limit for this kid. He has picked up a few ribee's tonight already and his approach to the plate is that of a true gamer. Quite the contrary of idiot boy who rests his bat on his shoulders and looks like a chipmunk with his massive dip in his gums/cheeks. You ever been on a real shrimpin boat? I know everything they is to know about da shrimpin bidness. Thats all I have to say about that.

Bill Hall Are You Serious? Part Deux

Ok, so he took my advice and went to right field today, in a great end to an awesome (but slow) Brewer game. The Crew is now alone atop the NL central and looking to widen the gap over the next couple games, due to the man I have singled out as the biggest a$$bag on the roster.

He didn't disappoint me in the end though with his antics. Upon completion of his walk-off the guy bolts for the dugout at warp speed. This means one of two things to me. First, he forgot what a hit felt like, so he just made his usual run back to the dugout, assuming the out. Second, and most likely, this was a silent "f-u" to the fans. He didn't want to be out there on the field celebrating with the fans over his walkoff hit because we constantly boo him when he does terrible. This shows a ridiculous lack of accountability on his part. It is NOT our fault that we boo you dawg; it's your own. We know you are better than what you are showing, and you suck it up just because you think you can hit 40 homeruns a year. You get pull happy and that leads to longer swings and the sucktitude that comes with it. Everyone can see the player your should be except for you and your ego. Maybe this hit into right center today will spark something for you, but you never cease to amaze me. I can't wait for Bill Hall are you serious: Part Tres.

Bill Hall are you serious?

Is anyone else tired of looking at Mr. Mother's Day? Just the sight of him coming to the plate angers me. We've been putting up with the same level of output (nothing!) for years now, based off of one lucky season. Yet we keep running him out there, and he doesn't disappoint.



In his mind he appears the he has his at-bats under control. He'll nod approvingly at a strike that is called on him, agreeing with the umpire on a good call. Why don't you swing the bat then you dipstick? Oh thats right, because your grotesquely long swing can't catch up to anything. I actually just watched him hit a ball into center and stare at it like he knocked it out of the park, marveling at his routine flyout to center field. I suppose it's better than missing the ball completely, which he is very accustomed to. Maybe it's that gigantic chew in his mouth that is distracting him. It reminds of me of a closer we had back in the day named Curtis Leskanic who was supposed to be our savior. I think the 3 pounds of chew in his mouth cut into his fastball speed and took some break off his curve.

Anyhow I'm getting distracted. Bill Hall needs to do one of two things. Start taking shorter hacks and go to right (the long ball will follow accordingly) or take your pink bat collection and get the hell off of our team. Seacrest out (oh yes I did).